In the spring of 2009, I was asked to speak at a Senior Adult dinner at our church. A quick story I shared during a halftime devotion at Upward Basketball & Cheerleading caught the attention of the Senior Adult minister and he encouraged me to speak. He assured me that I had the ability to share a longer story. After much thought and prayer, I agreed. After sharing a story from my childhood about the impact my grandparents had on me, others in attendance at the dinner encouraged me to write more about my life’s journey. As I considered the possibility, I also began thinking of how I could connect all my stories together. The following comparison is what came to mind after a day of looking through photos of a family vacation.

The first week of June 2001, we took a family vacation to visit my younger sister and her family in the northern suburbs of Denver, Colorado. Our three day drive in a minivan across the midwest was filled with the usual tiresome complaints from our four children (aged 16, 16, 12, and 4), two interesting hotel stays, a rainy drive across Missouri, and an interesting break at Old Town Museum in Burlington, Kansas. Just after leaving the museum, we headed west on the interstate just a few miles short of the Colorado state line, and Pike’s Peak came in to view. Once it was visible, the fear of what was to come as we ventured into the mountains gripped my mind.

From as early as I can remember, I suffered from extreme fear of heights and bodies of water. When the two met (a long bridge over deep water in particular), that fear was multiplied several times over. My fear would often result in nausea, dizziness, and a tingling sensation all over my body. Since I was the one driving at this point, I had to work hard to calm the fear. After all, the day before I had managed to cross the mighty Mississippi River in St. Louis without one single moment of fear. Of course, I only managed to do so because I was not driving as we approached the bridge between Illinois and Missouri, which gave me the opportunity to completely appreciate and be amazed by the site of the St. Louis Arch.

Conquering my fear that day was just one of the many times I would be forced – or helped – to do so during our week in Colorado. After all, we were going to visit my sister and her family at the foothills of the great Rocky Mountains. Their home was in the plains area outside Boulder. After arriving at their home, it was so surprising for me to see all the land in their town was as flat as our South Georgia farm! But oh, the site of those majestic mountains just a few miles to the west took my breath away. It was beautiful. The scenery from their back yard was beyond anything I could have imagined from any photos, or video I had seen. Seeing it in person was well worth the long days on the road. I began to look forward to the planned day trips with a little less worry about the heights and a little more desire to see God’s creation. My sister planned well, and the trip to the highest point we would visit was to be the last of our day trips. We were to visit other sites at lower altitudes first to help us all adjust to the dryer, thinner air at the higher altitude.

A relaxing day at a lake was first. Then a day trip to Colorado Springs so we could visit the Air Force Academy, (where my brother in law spent his college years), and the Garden of the Gods. The rock formations in the garden were beautiful. There were multiple fun photo opportunities and those photos help remind me of the trip often. We even had time to stop by the Red Rocks Amphitheater for a brief visit. And to please the only boy among the eight children we had between us – our four year old son – we visited Dinosaur Ridge. Another afternoon gave us a surprise picnic on the lawn of the Denver Museum. The surprise occurred after our planned trip to the Denver Zoo was canceled just before our arrival in the parking lot. News crews were all over the parking lot to cover a story about a loose elephant in the zoo! Despite our disappointment, the impromptu picnic and afternoon of kite flying was full of laughter, fun chases, and even a bit of tree climbing by the adults – to retrieve lost kites. Another day we visited a lower altitude area of the Rocky Mountain National Park as we continued to adjust to the altitude changes.

Finally, the day arrived for our big journey to Estes Park and the Continental Divide. Our vans were loaded with kids, food, two adults each, and my huge anxiety over the thought of the drive. I was with my sister along with four of the kids and the guys had the other four kids. This trip was in a time before cell phones were widely used, so I had the lone cell phone amongst us. Before leaving the house, we all knew where we were going, but no discussion was held which of the various routes we would take to get there. You guessed it, at some point we were no longer on the road together. Naturally, the concern about meeting up a the correct place just added to my growing anxiety. Not long after we realized we were not traveling on the same route, I noticed a very pungent odor. It was skunk mating season, and the odor was very, very unpleasant. The discussion about this helped to calm me a bit as my sister drove on and kept me talking. As we neared Estes Park, the roads got curvier, and on my side, I began to notice the steep drop off below the guard rails. To calm my fears, I closed my eyes and told my sister to let me know when we reached areas without the drop offs.

For a few miles she did so while I dealt with my anxiety in my way. Eventually she began telling me that I really should look at the views. She explained I was missing some beautiful sites. When we were very near to Estes Park, she insisted I really did want to see the view that was just ahead. I reluctantly opened my eyes and saw why she was so insistent. To my right, as the road curved to the left, and well below our level on the side of the mountain, was a beautiful valley. It was green, flat, full of farm animals, people, homes and elk. As we approached the entrance to the park, I again began to worry about the other van again – the one containing my husband and two of my kids. As my sister pulled into the ranger station and gift shop parking lot – there they were – waiting on us to arrive. After the necessary break and “window shopping” in the gift shop, we headed towards our destination to the Continental Divide.

The first few miles were on roads surrounded by gently sloping hills that were green with the summer grass and dotted with a few colorful flowers. As I looked up, I could see those snowcapped mountains. The early drive was full of photo opportunities. We soon stopped at one well visited area. Marmots were seen outside the parking area. They reminded me of the prairie dogs in Oklahoma. The foot trail to the next spot was a bit rocky and while we waited for our turn to reach the top for photos, the kids enjoyed climbing on the rocks with my brother in law. I slowly took in the sites all around us. God had created the wondrous view all around us – all for our enjoyment. When we finally made it to the top to take photos, two things stand out in my memory. First, my brother in law was a pilot and felt it necessary to share that at the height we had reached, a fall from an airplane would be a quick death. Gee thanks! It did give us all a good laugh. But the second thing I hope to always remember. As I turned and looked below me in a 360 degree turn, I could see so many aspects of those majestic mountains. The rugged snow covered areas, the lush green meadows, the small mountain flowers beginning to bloom, the animals that dotted the valleys off in a distance, and even the few clouds in the blue sky; they all filled me with the most amazing awareness of God. It was literally a mountaintop experience. HIS power was clear. HIS love for humanity was very evident. It was humbling and awe inspiring. Best of all, my anxiety was all but gone. My sister was right, I needed to open my eyes to see what God had created.

We made our way back to the vans and began the last leg of the journey to the Divide. The snow had only begun melting at the divide in recent weeks so the road had only opened the week before. We were determined to make it there for a photo opportunity of a lifetime. This drive became even more fearful for me. The road narrowed, the guard rail seemed minimal to my right. The view now consisted of steep rocky drop offs. I kept my eyes focused on the rocky mountain on the driver’s side of the road. That view was almost as fearful. It looked so close I was certain my sister could have reached out the window and touched the mountain. This part of the drive was a good bit slower as we curved left and right winding our way up the mountain. Finally, our destination was in site. A small ranger station was there along with the sign stating the altitude and the name of this particular pass over the Continental Divide. We bundled up in our jackets to pose in front of the sign. At least, my own family did. You see, my sister had done research when planning our trip and learned this particular pass was called “Milner Pass”, which of course is our last name. After snapping a few photos, the kids made a snowball or two. (Just maybe we adults did as well.) We observed a few bighorn sheep up above us at the top of the mountain behind the ranger station. We loaded back up and started back down the mountain. The kids were promised items from the gift shop before leaving the park. Honestly, I don’t remember the drive back down. I do remember the gift shop. And I do remember the huge elk in the middle of the road at the exit of the park. Our son was very concerned for my safety when I got out to take photos of the elk, along with several other tourists. The drive home held less anxiety for me than the drive up did. I had survived my fears!

How does this trip connect my stories? When I recall my sister’s encouragement to open my eyes and see God’s creation on that drive, I see that my life has been like that. My journey has been (and I am sure will continue to be) filled with days when anxiety and fear try to overwhelm me. My journey has contained moments, days, weeks, even months that I know only HE got me through. Many of those moments HE shielded my eyes – or at least my heart – so that I didn’t have to endure devastating sites. But other times, HE forced me to look and watch as he brought amazing miracles and moments. My journey would have been very different if I had not known HIM as my Savior, as my friend, and as my protector. My journey through life is full of joyful moments I feel the need to share. My journey has held heartbreaking moments that HE brought me through – to find joy time and time again.

I understand that no one has a journey that is completely void of struggles, disappointments, losses, fears, and anxiety. For those that don’t know Jesus, I have no idea how they manage to make it through their journey. For those of you that do know Jesus and the Joy he brings, I am sure you have similar stories to share. Moments when HE held you close, HE comforted your aches, HE rescued you from danger, and HE called you to be HIS child. I hope you will join me as I share my journey. Some stories will be short, some will be long. Some will be sad, some will be funny. No matter the subject matter or length of each story, I can look back and see Jesus there with me. And I can see the joy HE gave, even if I couldn’t always see it at that moment.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

James 2:2-3 NIV